


My Scrumpty Pumpty Dragon Fruit Pie

by Lumelle



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, M/M, Not Epilogue Compliant, Written on a Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 11:36:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11184279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumelle/pseuds/Lumelle
Summary: When McGonagall insists that Harry and Malfoy should not call each other by last names anymore to promote house unity, they find a way around it. At some point, though, things get sidetracked.





	My Scrumpty Pumpty Dragon Fruit Pie

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt.

"Harry!" Hermione and Ron flanked him as soon as he stepped into the Gryffindor common room, looking equal amounts curious and anxious. "Is something wrong? Why did Headmaster McGonagall want to speak to you?"

"I mean, the school year just started." Ron nudged him. "You didn't manage to get in trouble already, did you?"

"That's not it." Harry sighed, adjusting his glasses. "She wanted to talk to me about… house unity, I guess."

"Well, I guess that would be an important concern right now." Hermione nodded. "The tensions are still running pretty high, considering most people here were around for the battle. And, well, people are kind of looking to you for an example."

"Apparently McGonagall thinks so too." Harry found himself a seat and dropped down. "She wants to make sure I don't show any hostility towards Slytherins."

"What if they start it?" Ron scowled, looking dubious. "I mean, it's not like Malfoy's going to be holding back."

"Yeah, about that." Harry dropped his head back, staring up at the ceiling. "He was there too. Apparently McGonagall thinks the two of us are the most likely to be able to affect the general mood of the school."

"Makes sense." Of course Hermione would be taking the sensible stance on things. "You are kind of the most well-known figures around. Just the fact that Malfoy's here to catch up on all the studies he missed last year rather than in Azkaban is something people will pay attention to."

"So, what? You're going to have to be all buddy-buddy with Malfoy? What did she want you both for?"

"Apparently, the way we speak to each other is too distant to foster good house relations." Harry groaned. "From now on, we're not allowed to call each other by last name. Or any insults, obviously."

"So… you'll have to call him Draco?" Ron blinked, looking as disbelieving as Harry felt.

"Something like that. Or not talk to him or about him at all." Which was going to be rather hard to avoid, considering McGonagall was apparently also planning on more shared classes between houses. "I don't know. This is going to be a strange year."

Harry had no idea how right he was.

*

Apparently, not talking to Malfoy was not going to happen.

Not that Harry wasn't quite willing to try, but the universe seemed to be conspiring against him. That or the teachers were, which he wouldn't have put past them. Harry was sure he saw Professor Flitwick smirking when he announced that they would be doing a partnered project in Charms, and that he would be assigning the partners. He certainly wasn't surprised when Flitwick announced his name in conjunction with Malfoy's. Exasperated, maybe, but not surprised.

Malfoy seemed similarly resigned as he dropped into a seat next to Harry's, a scowl on his face. "You had better not screw this up for us both."

"I could say the same to you." Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Don't worry, I might not be Hermione, but I can pull my own weight."

"You'd better. I'm not coming back again next year." Malfoy looked even paler than before, Harry noticed now that he was closer, shadows under his eyes making him look tired. Well, that was probably not that surprising, really.

"At least you got some sort of education last year. I spent most of it camping out in a forest."

"Sounds like a barrel of laughs." Malfoy didn't exactly sound sincere, not that Harry could blame him. "Still, I probably would have preferred that."

That was something Harry was not going to comment on. Certainly not in class, preferably not ever. Finding out details about Malfoy's adventures as junior Death Eater extraordinaire was not something he wished to delve any deeper into. "Well, now we both get to enjoy regular old Hogwarts life again, so there's that."

"Nothing regular about this." Malfoy's scowl deepened as he glared down at his textbook. "So, any idea what we're doing our project on, Po—" He stopped short, looking almost startled for a moment, then apparently tried to set the book on fire with his eyes as he ground out, "Harry?"

And really, Harry was not good enough a man to resist that. "Aw, having trouble with my name, Draco-poo?" He put on his best sickeningly sweet grin.

If looks could kill, he would have been a mere smear on the closest wall. However, never let it be said that Malfoy backed down easily. "I'm sure I can handle it, my little pumpkin."

And oh, it was on.

*

It was three weeks into the school year, with working on their Charms project almost every day and occasional meetings in the corridors, at meals, and in other classes, and so far Harry had managed not to use Malfoy's last name even once. Of course, he was fairly sure he also hadn't used Malfoy's actual first name more than once or twice, either, which was probably some sort of an achievement. Still, McGonagall hadn't specified what they could call each other, as long as it wasn't insults, and pet names were hardly insults.

Malfoy, of course, would not be bested in such a contest. Harry suspected he was dedicating most of his free time to compiling a list of increasingly ridiculous pet names, judging by the lengths he was going to. Harry certainly was working hard to match him name for name.

It had started relatively simple, just some regular endearments, food words and twisted versions of their actual names. Pumpkins, muffins and darlings could only get one so far, though, and by the end of the first week they had both started to move onto more creative solutions. Harry was particularly proud of "hatchling" — hey, if the guy had a dragon in his name, he should be prepared for it to be used against him — while he had to admit, however grudgingly, that there was a certain sort of creative touch to "my little lightning bolt". Malfoy certainly seemed to have taken a liking to using it, as it kept showing up again and again, though for some reason it never failed to make some of their classmates giggle. Which, really. Harry had spent the better part of his Hogwarts career having people pay attention to his scar before the rest of him, surely it wasn't that amusing to get it pointed out.

Harry had to admit, he was sort of having fun with it. It was childish, sure, but he needed a bit of childishness after the horror that had been the year before. He was still reminded of it every day, seeing parts of the castle that had been damaged in the battle, remembering the dead laid out in Great Hall as they now gathered for breakfast and tried to pretend things hadn't changed irrevocably. Looking his old rival in the eye and calling him honey munchkin or snakelet or any number of other ridiculous things was much better for his already somewhat tenuous grip on sanity than remembering the time said rival's mother told the Dark Lord he was dead in exchange for information.

Not that there was much rivalry going on anymore. Oh, they weren't the closest of friends by any measure, but they were actually managing to work together. Maybe the war had changed Malfoy, and it certainly had changed Harry. It was difficult to muster up actual hate when they had both been through far too much pain thanks to the same horrible man.

It was difficult to be angry when he saw the haunted look that sometimes entered Malfoy's eyes.

So, they were working together, and talking to each other, and trading endearments and pet names in place of the old insults. Perhaps it was strange, certainly to those who didn't know what was going on, but Harry would rather be strange than let his own behavior be the catalyst for any more tension in Hogwarts. He'd had enough of fighting for a good, long while.

Besides, well. Malfoy kind of had the cutest little flush when Harry came up with something particularly embarrassing to call him. Harry needed to take his amusement wherever he could find it.

*

"Harry, this stopped being funny a long time ago."

Harry looked up from his half-written essay, giving Ron a confused look as he found his friend holding a familiar pile of parchments. "What, my Potions notes?"

"Not that." Ron dropped the pile on the desk, pointing at something on the topmost page. "What's this?"

"Hm?" Harry glanced at what Ron was pointing out, seeing some familiar scribbles. "Oh, those are Draco's notes. He's actually pretty good at Potions, you know, it wasn't all just Snape favoring him."

"Yeah, I can see that. What I'm curious about is this part here." Ron's finger pointed at a particular point on the page, the one with a scribbled flower and a heart. "What the hell is this about, Harry?"

"Eh, Draco doodles sometimes." Harry shrugged. "What about it?"

"Harry, mate, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but you're basically playing the world's longest game of gay chicken with Malfoy. Except I kinda think it's starting to cross over to just, well, gay." Ron shook his head. "It's almost Christmas break and you're still calling him sappy names and spending more time with him than with us and — and I'm pretty sure you're flirting with him!"

"Oh, come on, Ron, it's not that serious." Harry rolled his eyes. "You're making way too big a deal out of this."

"I really don't think I am." Ron folded his arms across his chest. "Look, Harry, if you are — gay, I mean — then, well, that's fine. That's who you are. Just… why Malfoy?"

"I told you, you're making too big of a deal." Harry sighed. "Now, if you're done, I really do need to finish this essay. Draco's going to have a fit if I don't have it done when he asks."

Ron threw his arms up in the air, grumbling something under his breath. Harry turned his attention back to his essay. Ron really was overreacting.

Though Harry had to admit Ron's expression was quite amusing when Draco showed up at the Gryffindor table at breakfast a few days later, asking Harry to be his date for McGonagall's upcoming House Unity Yule Ball.

(Harry wasn't entirely sure where the difference between gay chicken and gay was, either, but he was pretty sure kisses in the corridor right outside the Slytherin Common room was way past the line. He was also pretty sure he didn't really mind.)


End file.
